Weeds Don’t Like Me

Is this Dandelion about to meet its doom?

Some things, I don’t say many things, I can do well. Some things I can do okay. And there are some that I never get right.
Everybody, at least everybody in the Midwest who has a lawn, knows how to deal with weeds. They know when to use weed and feed and how to apply it, using the correct setting on the spreader in order to end up with the right amount of product on the grass and weeds. They have confidence that they will get it right, without hurting nearby flowers, and the result will be a beautiful, green weed-free lawn surrounded by wonderful, healthy tulips and daffodils.
Maybe it’s because I’m not a native Midwesterner (and the weeds know that), or perhaps I didn’t grow up with an innate hatred of weeds, or the need to have a perfect lawn. Maybe I’m just a failure at life.
Whatever the reason, every year I get it wrong. Either I put it on at the wrong time, I put on too much, or not enough. Every year the dandelions win, and I lose. We don’t have a yard totally overrun by weeds, but they’re still there. Sometimes the weeds put on a show of wilting for a little while, so I begin to think I won, but then they recover. I can see them smirking at me.
If I get up early to put it on when the dew is still there, the sun comes up a little quicker than usual and dries out the grass so the stuff won’t stick to the weeds like it’s supposed to. Sometimes I’ve hosed down the lawn beforehand, but that didn’t help. Other times it rained right after and washed it all away. Some years as I kept watching the weather in order to do it when rain wasn’t imminent, that day never came, and weeds ended up unscathed. And they laughed at me.

The Bare Spot with a Big Weed in it

A bare spot that has always been in our yard is alleged to have developed because I spilled weed and feed there, which is possible. I remember that spot being a pitcher’s mound (not really a mound, but the place the pitcher stood) when teaching my boys baseball. I think we’ve tried to plant grass there. Our dog used to like lying there, too. Now it’s a place for weeds to grow.
This morning I got up early to apply the weed and feed while the dew was on the grass. It seemed to go all right, but I doubt if it did. I guess we’ll see if the grass is still green tomorrow or if the weeds are starting to wilt. Not likely. Well, they might wilt a little bit, but they’ll be back. If I actually killed the weeds, the grass will probably be dead too. I wouldn’t put it past the weeds to be willing to make that sacrifice.

Evil Invasive Weed with lots of Weed’n’Feed clinging to its Impudent Little Body

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